RCPD on the Case
by Interspark
Summary: The Raccoon City Police station's labyrinthine and cryptic layout is frustrating enough during the zombie apocalypse, during the day-to-day life of a busy police officer though, it's much, much worse...


The sun hung low, gleaming through the towering Racoon City skyscrapers, as a young woman raced frantically through the city's thinning crowds. Even the most casual observer could tell she was having an extraordinarily bad day. Her eyes were wide in panic, her forehead was damp with sweat, her breezy summer dress was stained with dirt, she cast frequent panicked glances over her shoulder and, most telling of all, a splatter of blood ran its way across her face.

She sprinted up the steps of the Raccoon City Police Station, and into the church-like entrance foyer, complete with its arched ceilings, stained glass window, and lordly statues, overlooking the occupants. Avid history and architecture fans knew that the building was once an art gallery, and that its subtle eccentricities were unusual, even for one of those, not that that was any concern of its new visitor, as much as it should have been.

She pushed past a line of people, and slammed her palms on the reception desk, startling the bespectacled attendant. "I just witnessed a murder!" She cried.

The receptionist's eyes widened in alarm. "I see, well hold on, an officer will be with you immediately..."

True to her word, a middle-aged man with a police uniform and a receding hairline soon came from the foyer's adjoining offices.

"Nice to meet you." He said, warmly but quickly, shaking the woman's hand. "I'm officer Spenser, and you are...?"

"Janet." Janet said, quickly, agitated beyond caring for pleasantries.

"Well thanks for coming in, speed can be of the essence in catching murderers, so if you'll come with me, we'll get a report form, and get someone on this, ASAP."

Spenser surprised Janet by leading her, not back to his office, but up the stairs at the back of the foyer, and to a small lounge, where a small number of officers were making coffee. Spenser traversed the room, to an ornate statue of a sphinx. The plinth it sat on, featured three dials with numbers etched into them, above each of them, was a carving of a baby, an adult and an elderly man with a cane, respectively.

Spenser studied it for a moment, drumming his fingers across his chin, before turning to one of his colleagues. "Hey Julie, what's the code for this, again?"

Julie rolled her eyes, as though that was a silly question. "Come on Jack, it's the sphinx riddle! You know, the one with the legs? It's 4 2 3."

"Right... Right..." Spenser remembered, entering the code.

"Sorry..." A very confused Janet interjected. "Is this where you keep the report files?"

"No, of course not!" Spenser replied. "They're in the office, we just need to get the key for the cabinet." He said, as though that rationalised what he was doing.

A compartment beneath the sphinx slid open, revealing a hexagonal disk, emblazoned with a picture of an owl.

"That's... not a key..." Janet pointed out.

Spenser scoffed. "I can tell this is your first time in here."

Three more arbitrary puzzle boxes afforded them more hexagonal emblems, which collectively brought a statue to life, sliding clear of a doorway, permitting Spenser and Janet to navigate a room riddled with trick floor tiles, so they could acquire an antique sword, without it retreating into its case.

"What is the point of all this!?" Janet demanded, later than most people might have. "Why not just lock the cabinet with _regular keys_!? And now that I think about it, why even lock a cabinet full of blank report forms!?"

Spenser sighed, as he hopped across three tiles and hastily jumped over the following two. "Look, you're talking to someone who puts up with this shit every day, we'd all like it if this place was a little more normal."

"So why don't you!?"

Spenser cringed in embarrassment. "None of us are skilled enough pianists to unlock the suggestion box..."

Ten minutes later, Janet was angrily trying to undo a puzzle box, while Spenser carefully rearranged a series of figurines on a pedestal, a few minutes after that, the pair of them reassembled a stone tablet, and half an hour after Janet arrived, they used the information the tablet provided, to unlock a chest on the building's roof.

"If the key we need isn't in there, I swear I will slap you..." Janet promised.

"Well, then I'd have to charge you with assaulting a police officer..." Spenser coolly replied.

"And how long would that take...?" Janet glared.

A tear welled in the corner of Spenser's eye. "So long..." He whispered.

To Janet's immense frustration, the chest turned out to contain a flash drive, an iron gauntlet, and a moldy sandwich, which Spenser was only _almost _certain wasn't part of another puzzle.

"Can I go use the bathroom while you're working on this?" Janet pleaded.

"Oh... sure..." Spenser said, while inspecting the gauntlet. "You'll need this map, this cryptogram key, and this star-shaped crank."

"Where were you even keeping..." Janet started, before simply crying out in fury.

Two hours later, Janet lay on her back, on Spenser's desk, staring at the ceiling, and contemplating the benefits of vigilantism, while Spenser carefully assembled an antique music box. Finally, a gentle chime rang through the office, and a model ballerina emerged from the box, and presented Spenser with a small key, with which he mercifully unlocked the relevant cabinet.

"Right." He sighed, contentedly, as he sat opposite Janet, who'd also taken a seat. "So... your full name?"

Janet had barely opened her mouth to disclose her full name, when a commotion from outside slowly caught her attention. It was quiet, but gradually rising in volume. It wasn't long, before she became aware it was the sound of multiple people screaming. The much louder sound of a violent explosion startled the two of them to their feet, before they raced back to the foyer.

Moments later, three officers, covered in blood and scratches, raced in, through the front doors, and slammed them shut behind them, desperately holding them shut, as they were pounded from the other side.

"THERE'S PEOPLE FUCKING EATING EACH OTHER OUT THERE!" One of them screamed.

"HUNDREDS OF THEM!" Another elaborated, white-faced.

"My god..." Spenser breathed, before snapping to attention. "Alright people, we need to get a handle on this situation, before it gets worse. We need riot gear, and we need it yesterday! Jamerson, get the book on 17th century philosophy, Lanes, find the seven red Gems hidden around the fifth floor, Wesley, you solve the puzzle box with the purple key inside." He straightened his police cap dramatically. "In three or four hours... we take back our city..."


End file.
